ROSEWOOD LANE

ROSEWOOD LANE 2011

I have about 200 movies on my computer. All in filed neatly. Ghost, Apocalyptic, Slasher, and so on. One file I do not click on often is my file named Shit.

This is where “Rosewood Lane” can be found.

I swear, I don’t even know what this movie is about.

Rose McGowan stars in this movie.

What can I say, she always gets a chance because of the Scream series and Planet Terror was awesome. This movie is straw that broke the zombies back and has made me give up on her acting potential completely.

McGowen plays Doctor Sonny Blake.

Yup.

A Therapist.

Give you a minute to let that sink in.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Ok, So. Sonny‘s Dad dies and she moves back into the home she grew up in and the neighbourhood that hasn’t changed too much, except for the new bad-ass Paperboy. (haha bad-ass Paperboy) played by Daniel Ross Owens. The entire film is the delivery teen phoning her and saying nursery rhythms to her. We soon find out the he could be the cause of her Father’s death, and that he has broken into her abode.

Sonny brings the Coppers into the shit’uation and they refuse to believe her and say its in her mind.

The end of the movie, which couldn’t come fast enough, Sonny fights evil.

What kind of evil? No fucking idea.

He has black eyes which would usually imply a Vamp trait but if that were the case the movie would have been a lot different, maybe just a Demon. The truth is I didn’t really even care. the very last scene sets up a sequel, if that ever happens I am going on a blood bath strike!

Director Victor Salva should have tried to get my name removed from this flick.

With the cast this feature had, Ray Wise, Lin Shaye, Lauren Vélez and Leslie-Anne Down “Rosewood Lane” should have been a slam dunk.

The Scrip also written by Victor Salva had more holes the swiss cheese.  And that is what this film is, cheesy.

Not that I think I have to actually spell this out but McGowan, get another job. You can not act.

This movie isn’t worth anyone’s time.

Geeker.

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